It's a beautiful day,
sunny, warm with blue skies and that particular stillness of holiday.
It may be one of my last days truly alone for many, many years.
It feels sweet,
so long and 
so short at the same time.
Moving slowly around the house,
around the farm,
followed by the dog and
the stillness of the air and little else. 

Waiting for you is bittersweet. 

I have been told how things will change once you arrive,
how my heart will grow bigger than I ever knew possible.
How I will stretch beyond my limits.
How the adventure that awaits is like nothing I have experienced
or can imagine.

And,
I have always loved the hours and days of being alone,
content in the presence of self.
And,
I have come to love this pregnant body,
its grace and fullness that exists only now.
I know your coming will only multiply our love exponentially,
And,
already I miss the time
of just me and your papa,
laying my head on his chest
and feeling most the thankful ease
of fortune and luck and love. 

But even as I walk alone in the afternoon sun on this golden road
and the golden light
shines on the golden grass,
I look forward to sharing it all with you.
I imagine you on my chest instead of in my belly,
hearing the sounds of the land,
watching the dog chase the groundhogs,
tasting the world. 

With each step on the earth,
I feel the gratitude
and the grief of this moment,
knowing it will never come again.
And with each look to the horizon,
the excitement and anticipation of the unknown change
and the journey of life with you. 

But isn't that how it always is, if we're lucky? The sorrow and the joy both
holding us
in their
ever
tender
hands?